Friday, December 17, 2010

There's Hope For Me Yet!

My vow to meet God in scripture daily is still fresh and being worked out and I have to admit – I again failed miserably. As you can imagine, this is a very busy time of year for a church secretary. Add getting the flu, a major issue with the church’s website, and insomnia to the usual seasonal stress and you get chaos. It seems that busyness and tiredness were overriding my will to open my Bible and read. However, I did renew my vow this week with a few Psalms and Philippians. In trying to discern why this is so hard to work into my daily life again (as it once was when my faith was new) I realized that over the past year, I’ve been perceiving my faith more like a treadmill and less like the incredible journey it is.

I have a commitment and faith in Jesus as my Savoir which is more often than not a priority in my life. I make time for it. I’ve experienced great peace many times in conversing with God (which includes me shutting up and actually listening to him). But then life gets busy with work, family, friends, volunteering at my church, hobbies, etc. I get stressed and don’t sleep. Then I’m too tired to do even half of what I wanted to do. The less sleep I get and the more stress I have – the more depression settles in. Then I’m able to do even less. You get the idea. My prayer times become shorter and my time with God in Scripture gets skipped one, two, then three days in a row and then not even put on the to-do list. It’s kind of like the treadmill in the bedroom piled with clothes. You get a renewed sense of urgency, so you clear off the treadmill and vow to walk every day. You do okay for a while, but then you start to slip, one, two, then three days in a row. Then one day you throw a dirty shirt on it while you’re changing for that meeting at church and the next thing you know – the treadmill has more clothes than your hamper does.

When I feel I’ve failed again, I need to remember above all else that faith is an incredible journey. God is molding and shaping me even in the moments when I’m not taking a more active rol
e in the development of my faith. Those moments that seem like I’ve failed are just as much a teaching tool in the Master’s hands as those moments when I am saturated in his Word and in prayer. I know he loves me just as I am and will continue to grow in me the new creation he called me to be. I am his unique masterpiece still in progress and someday, he will put away his tools and stand back and say “It is good.” But for now, he is putting all his energy, creativity and passion into making me into his vision of who I am. I am not a disappointment to God – He’s just not done with me yet and he won’t stop laboring until he’s finished the work.

About the pictures:
Blackwater Falls State Park (May 2010)

1 comment:

Common Household Mom said...

I don't want to (necessarily) play devil's advocate, but why think of that as failure? It IS a very busy time of year. These past two weeks you have had a lot of extra things to do, and I personally have benefited from some of those extras you did! Thank you. You are living out scripture, and sometimes that means less time to concentrate on reading it.

If I think of my relationship with God in terms of success/failure I get all tied up in knots. Better to do as you do in your third paragraph, and think of this time as one step on the journey. Yeah, the saving grace is that God loves us just as we are.