I’m not telling you this to blow my own horn. Those who know me know the truth of that – it’s just not in me to seek the limelight. I’m telling you this so that you have a better understanding of what I am writing about today.
I have been having issues with my herniated discs again and this past week, and though my pain tolerance is pretty high, it finally surpassed my ability to contain and I’ve been stuck at home for the last four days with constant pain that rivals a dislocated shoulder and a knife in the back. Sitting for any length of time is impossible – so much so that I am actually typing this standing up. This is not the first time I’ve had to deal with this problem and I doubt it will be the last. I’ve even factored these kinds of incidences into my work plan so that if I need to miss a couple of days, I will not fall so far behind as I can’t easily catch up. Even as well prepared as I try to be, this could not have happened at a worse time as I have for the last twelve months been looking forward attending the New Wilmington Mission Conference beginning next Saturday. In my current condition I will be unable to attend.
I have been planning this for a year, since I came home from the last one (which I wrote about last year Missionaries and Me at NWMC.) I found the conference to be a place where I can retreat into God’s arms, hear his words, be renewed by his Spirit, and sent out to do his will and I have been feeling a little tapped out in that area lately. See, just like every other person in a relationship – my relationship with God is constantly changing (God isn’t changing, I am and the intimacy or lack of intimacy we share is constantly fluctuating because of me). Like any relationship, it takes hard work to keep it vibrant and growing. If I’m not intentionally seeking God, interacting with him on a daily basis, our relationship grows dim and lifeless, just like any other. These last six weeks, I’ve been holding out for the conference to jump into the river of God’s grace and presence again. I’ve been planning on it and never thought it wouldn’t happen - - - but now, only God knows.
I am still hopeful that God will heal me in time to attend. But if not, I have to believe it is because God’s plan for that week is not what I had in mind. I learned a long time ago that it’s silly to try to convince God of how much better my plan is. However, this is the first time that I feel as if I can accept it before my plan is unrealized and not after. I’m not saying I won’t be disappointed if I can’t go, but I trust that God knows what I need and how that will be best realized in my life far better than I. I trust God’s plan is better than mine.
Actually it’s been a long time since he and I talked about the future and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given my care over to him in the last two days. Perhaps God just wanted to get started a week early. I don’t know how this will turn out, but I’m sure that if God has anything to do with it, and he does, it will bring us closer together and glory to his name. Blessings and may God’s plans be fulfilled in your life this week. Amen.About the pictures:
Oakland, PA (July 2009)