Monday, June 29, 2015

Three Jokes, No Point

Today I need a laugh. And if I do, maybe you do too. So here are a few chuckles for you. Remember that laughter is one of God's gifts so laugh out loud and enjoy!

---------------------------------------

An Irishman moved into a tiny hamlet in County Kerry, walked into the local pub, and promptly ordered three beers.  The bartender raised his eyebrows, but served the man three beers, which he drank quietly at a table, alone.

An hour later, the man had finished the three beers and ordered three more.  This happened yet again.  The next evening the man again ordered and drank three beers at a time, several times.  Soon the entire town was whispering about The Man Who Orders Three Beers.

Finally, a week later, the bartender broached the subject on behalf of the town.  "I don't mean to pry, but folks around here are wondering why you always order three beers at a time?"

"Tis odd, isn't it?" the man replied.  "You see, I have two brothers, and one went to America and the other to Australia.  We promised each other that we would always order an extra two beers whenever we drank, as a way of keeping up the family bond."

The bartender and the whole town were pleased with this answer, and soon the Man Who Orders Three Beers became a local celebrity and a source of pride to the hamlet, even to the extent that out-of-towners would come to watch him drink.

Then one day, the man came in and ordered only two beers.  The bartender poured them with a heavy heart.  This continued for the rest of the evening.  "Each time he orders only two beers," the word flew around town.  Prayers were offered for the soul of one of the brothers.

The next day, the bartender said to the man, "Folks around here, me first of all, want to offer condolences to you for the death of your brother.  You know -- the two beers instead of three, and all..."

The man pondered this for a moment, then replied, "You'll be happy to hear that my two brothers are alive and well.  It's just that I, meself, have decided to give up drinking for Lent."

---------------------------------------

I needed some supplies from a Sunday School cupboard that was seldom used and was secured with a lock. I didn't know the combination, but our clergyman offered to give it a try. Father Jack placed his fingers on the lock's dial and raised his eyes heavenward for a moment. Then he confidently spun the dial and opened the lock. Seeing how impressed I was with this demonstration of faith, he smiled and confided, "The numbers are written on the ceiling."

---------------------------------------

Some years ago a New Orleans lawyer sought a direct Veterans Administration loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be approved if he could provide proof of clear title to the property offered as collateral. The title for the property in question was complicated, and he spent a considerable amount of time reviewing all pertinent documents back to 1803. Satisfied with the depth and expanse of his examination, he submitted the information to the V.A. He soon received this reply from the V.A.:

"We received your letter today enclosing application for a loan for your client, supported by abstract of title. The application forms are complete, but you have not cleared the title before the year 1803. Therefore, before full review and possible approval can be accorded the application, it will be necessary that the title be cleared back before that year."

Annoyed, the lawyer wrote the V.A.:

"Your letter regarding titles in case #9378329 received. I note that you wish titles extended further back than I have presented. Your attention is invited to the following information to update your records for the property prior to 1803:

a) I was unaware that any educated person would not know that the United States gained clear title to Louisiana from France in 1803. This title transfer was a result of a real estate transaction known as The Louisiana Purchase.

b) France gained clear title to Louisiana by right of conquest from Spain under the Treaty of San Ildefonso (1800).

c) The land came into the possession of Spain by right of discovery in 1492 by a sailor named Christopher Columbus. He was acting on behalf of Isabella, Queen of Spain, and had her permission to claim newly discovered lands for Spain.

d) The good Queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles -- almost as careful as the V.A. -- took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before authorizing the voyage.

e) The Pope is a servant of God; God created the world.

f) Therefore, I believe that it is safe to presume that God created title to that part of the world called Louisiana and thus was the original holder of the property in question."

No comments: